Can You Have BPD Without Fear of Abandonment?
Question by deathvalleydiva: Can you have BPD without fear of abandonment?
My boyfriend and I have been seeing a therapist because we’ve been very happy for 3 years but lately his temper has gotten really bad. He’s even gotten physical with me. The therapist strongly suspects BPD so we read up on it. He has a LOT of the symptoms but he lacks the hallmark “fear of abandonment.” If anything I’d call him a loner. He’s not the kind of guy who has to have a girlfriend at all times. He’s not controlling or jealous AT ALL. In fact, when we get in arguments HE’LL be the one to hastily say we should break up. I feel like he’s indifferent to me (lately), not scared of losing me. It’s gotten to the point where he breaks up with me almost every other day. I know you’re wondering why I’m staying with him, it’s because he wasn’t always like this, I agree that SOMETHING is going on with him mentally I just wonder if it could be BPD since he doesn’t have fear of abandonment. (and he wasn’t abused as a child, he had very loving, very supportive parents who are still love him very much) He’s 36 by the way, if that helps. Never been married and has no kids. History of drug and alcohol abuse, and one suicide attempt 10 years ago.
Best answer:
Answer by Beachlover
The things you described could still be signs of fear of abandonment. The thing with people with bpd is they can quickly go from loving you to not giving a shit about you. Their show of attachment radically changes at the sign of danger, the sign of possible abandonment. So by not caring, and trying to dump you everyday, could easily be his way of dealing with his underlying fear being left alone by your own choice not his.
Answer by Cherie
STOP!!! Look to put it bluntly. He’s NOT going to change no matter what diagnosis he is assigned to. I was married to a man for ten years. Wow, it’s like looking back in time because you sound just like I did.I found everything in the book to make excuses for him and desperately tried to get him help. Years on, I am trying to pick up the pieces. The pieces of “me” that were slowly but subtly destroyed by him……..
One thing is certain yes, he may be suffering from a mental disorder such as Borderline Personality Disorder BUT putting up with abuse in whichever form it takes emotional,physical or sexual IS NOT ok! Deep down you know this but your sense of self is very low partly due to such abuse. “Breaking up with you” every day is due to him playing emotional games with you. He says it to keep you scared and on your toes due to his own insecurities.
I know you probably hear this all the time but believe me and the millions that “stayed” in a situation like this are now spending the rest of their own lives suffering from mental illnesses such as PTSD, Anxiety Disorders and Depression. If you get to this stage life along with your self-esteem get destroyed.
Please listen to me. Look abuse both emotional and physical up and see if you can relate. I bet you can. I know it’s scary but think about what YOU deserve and need to be happy and healthy.
Good luck Sweetie x
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